What to ask A Potential Au Pair

This is going to be an ongoing work as I try to recall all the important details from my head. As I speak to many of you on the phone and via email I am reminded of more important information and will try and update as I go along. Keep in mind this is my opinion only and just a guideline of things for you to consider. There truly are many variables for interviewing an Au Pair but I am going to start with the basics drawn from my personal experience.

• When you read the letter to the potential HOST FAMILY look for the words 'love' or similar terms of endearment. Listen to them when they speak and see if you can hear the love in their communication with you. This is not to be confused with loving America or living in America!


• Are they living at home? Who all lives in the home?


• Have they ever traveled away from home and how long were they away? How did they handle it? Be honest when you speak to them. If you really talk to them about homesickness I have found that most of them are pretty honest. If they can identify the fact that they might get homesick listen to them and see if they have a solution within themselves to handle it. Recognizing and voicing this concern is a sign of honesty and maturity in my humble opinion and opens a door for serious discussion.


• How many brothers and sisters do they have? You can find this out on your own but follow up with the relationship they have with them. If they have several younger siblings chances are really good that they have been involved with care taking in a loving environment and know how important the task of childcare is.


• DO they have a boyfriend? THIS IS A BIGGIE and quite tricky.
  
  
  
  • Let's assume they do have a boyfriend at home. The most common answer following this question is, "we are both o.k. with my being in the U.S, we have a solid or open relationship" Hmmmm, now let's think about this for a moment. If you were away from a boyfriend for a year would you be homesick for him? Would you want to see him while you were away? How would your phone bill look after several months? Would you be on the computer for hours sending emails or IM's to him?
  
  
  • Let's assume they say they don't have a boyfriend at home? Are they looking for one? Would they be interested in finding one if they were in the United States?
    


• How do they spend there spare time? Look for ones that enjoy the same things that you do as a family. Be cautious to identify those that spend their time at parties and dance halls in all of their spare time. I am not suggesting that you pick someone that absolutely does not go out and socialize. Quite the contrary, there have been girls that sit at home and sulk and then become unhappy. You need to find a good balance.


• Do they currently have a curfew? How would they handle a curfew if one were put on them? Be up front with them so that they too can decide if they want to be in a family that will have certain limitations.


• Can they drive a car? BE SO CAREFUL with this one. Many girls say they can drive but it is so important that you ask them how much they drive and how long they have had a drivers license. It is not that they are trying to deceive you but in other countries driving is not necessary and they just don't have a lot of experience. If you are going to require someone that will be driving a lot this is pertinent to you. BUT, if you absolutely fall in love with the girl, look into private driving school for them, they could end up being a better driver than yourself!


• Be sure and tell them about your family and let them ask you questions. You want them to ask you questions in order for them to get to know you and feel comfortable about the possibility of spending a year with you. Here is an example of a question that might send up a red flag:
  
  
  
  • "Exactly how many hours do I have to work?" Think about this question, 'have' to 'work', those are 2 signals that they may see this as just a job and not an opportunity to become a part of your family. Most certainly girls will be concerned about their responsibilities and when, where, what they are expected to do. But it is different. Most girls will ask a very important question instead, "Will you have a schedule for me?"


• Smoking and Drinking question- This is a tough one depending on you as a host family. Many girls will indeed fib they do not smoke OR will make a valiant effort to quite before coming here. It is up to you if you will allow them to smoke outside of your home, but be very up front with them before bringing them here about your position in regard to smoking and drinking.


• Religion- This is even a tougher subject to touch on and this is also up to the individual families. One thing that I will say is, in my opinion, that if you choose a girl that is committed to her religious beliefs that you respect them and allow her to participate in all of the activities that she deems important within that organization. It can only help her become tied to your community and find friends and support that she will desperately desire. Many girls are very open to attending different Churches and may even branch out on their own to seek a place they feel most comfortable but do not push them to accept your beliefs.


• Do they enjoy pets? This is not a deciding factor necessarily BUT if they absolutely despise them then you might want to reconsider. Most girls that say they don't like them only say this because they haven't been around them and are not used to the way Americans treat animals as valued pets. Many of them end up becoming quite attached to them by the time they go home!
  
  
• Do they speak fluent English? This is not a trick question! Many girls have had years of English as a second language and this should be taken into consideration because although they may not speak well on the phone does not mean that they won't adapt to English quite well. Many girls with heavy English courses will pick up on the language quite quickly! They just need time to adjust their thought process and get used to speaking it on a daily basis. It is difficult to hold onto the language when you have no one to practice it with in your country of origin. With that being said, those who have had little English and you truly have difficulty understanding them, may have problems adjusting.
  

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions at info@babyfindit.com
I hope you find this helpful and a place to start. It is by no means complete but gives you a guidleine to help assist you with your interview.

What is an Au Pair?

• A common question asked by many parents looking for child care alternatives is, "What is an au pair?". To answer this question let's look at the actual definition of 'au pair'. It is pronounced “o pair” in French, and means "on par" or equal, denoting living on an equal basis in a reciprocal, caring relationship between the host family and the young person. Like an older sibling, the au pair is included in all family activities, unlike an "employee" of a nanny agency who might be excluded from family meals, holiday celebrations, and other activities. In Europe today, tens of thousands of families and au pairs continue this practical and mutually valuable tradition and the custom is spreading around the world.
• She is officially designated as an Exchange Visitor by the United States Department of State and is brought here from other countries to the USA to assist parents in caring for their children.
  
• Where a nanny or childcare service provider may have many different families and children for which they provide services, an au pair is treated as a family member and becomes a ‘big sister’ to only your children . Unlike a nanny or childcare service provider who considers her childcare responsibilities a job and leaves at the end of a work day, your au pair lives with you and becomes a regular member of your family, bonding with your children and enriching their lives with their love and the language and culture from which they came.
• An au pair is a "big sister" from an exciting faraway land. Your au pair will live in your home as a family member, and will be available to assist with the care of your children for up to 45 hours per week.
• Although heavy housework is not permitted, au pairs can share in routine family chores and light housework such as making the kids' beds or helping them straighten their rooms.
• Quite simply, au pairs, although not trained professionally, can handle many aspects of childcare - responsibly and efficiently. Whatever care and support you might ask of an older son or daughter, you may ask of an au pair. (However, some Au Pair agencies offer au pair's that are more highly trained.)
  
• Au Pair's are expected to take accredited courses through a higher learning school in order to learn more about our culture or country.
• An au pair is here to enrich your lives and to experience the life as an American.
• Culture exchanges are a part of everyday living in your home. The au pair will share her knowledge of her country and its customs as well as learn about yours. For example: many au pairs love to cook their traditional meals for you and also to learn new recipes to take home to their country that depict American cuisine.
  

What an Au Pair is NOT!

• An au pair is not a maid or a servant. They are not here to do your personal cleaning and chores.
• Au Pair's are not your personal chauffeur’s or taxi service.

My next Post will be about how to interview potential Au Pair's and what is important to know when interviewing them! Again, if you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me at info@babyfindit.com

Julie Bille- Former Host mother, Community Counselor

Au Pair Agency Checklist

As a former Au Pair Host Mother and Community Counselor I encourage all families that are looking into getting an Au-Pair to seriously research the Agency that you are going to work with. Through the years I have noticed many new agencies pop up online. A quote from IAPA (International Au Pair Association)shares my concern, “Newspaper, internet advertisements or one of the many web-based matching services may appear to be acceptable and inexpensive alternatives for securing an au pair placement. There are, however, potential risks in arranging a placement in this manner.” I offer you words of caution and suggest you make a checklist before signing on with an Agency.

Checklist:

• Be sure they are a federally designated agency. To date there are only Eleven such Agencies.
  
• Be sure they allow you to interview your candidates and not THEM doing the match for you. Some allow only 1-2 candidates, while other agencies allow you to sift through their entire database so that you can be the one making the decision.
  
• PLEASE make sure that the agency you go with has health insurance for the au pairs!!!!!! SOME DO NOT!!!!!!!!
  
• Check with IAPA (International Au Pair Association) for pertinent information about guidelines for hosting or becoming an Au Pair in the United States.
  
• Be prepared to help your Au Pair attend approximately 3 classes during the year they are here. This can be a challenge to find classes within the federally allotted funds by the Government so do your homework.
  
• Do they offer an extended program for Au-Pair's if they want to stay for more than one year? Some Agencies now offer an extension program that allows the Au-Pairs to stay longer than a year. Please check out the pros-cons for this.
  
• Be sure they offer training for the girls before they step foot in your home.
  
• If you have a child under 2, the Government requires higher trained individuals to care for your child, please check that the agency you choose differentiates their candidates for under 2 childcare.
  
• Make sure a Criminal Background check is done by the AGENCY or an affilliated partner.
  
• Who Interviews the candidates before you actually get to speak to them. Some agencies will take any girls that sign up? It is pertinent that they go through a screening process before being approved by an agency.
  
• Does the agency actually check references? Are you allowed to see them and follow up on your own?
  
• Have the individuals been thoroughly screened by a health care provider? Are you allowed to see these records?
  
• Be sure to ask that you can view all of the information about the candidate that they agency has on record. If they do not have it or will not show it to you then something is amiss.
  
• How long has the Agency been in business?
  
• Do they offer any referrals of their own?
  
• Are these things included in your price:
  
  • Round Trip Airfare
    
  • Health Insurance
    
  • Background checks
    
  • References
    
  • Health Screening Check
    
  • In-Depth Interviews
    
  • Development and Safety Instruction
    
• Is there a community counselor in your area? It is so important for the Au Pairs to have a physical support system close to them. I highly recommend that you contact the community counselor in your area and interview her and assess her commitment to the Au Pairs and the program she works with!
  
• Are there many other Au Pairs close to you? This does not mean that the girls have to only socialize within their own agency. Many girls seek Au Pairs no matter what agency they are with. If there are not many girls within your agency in your area, be sure and help them find the other girls from other agencies.
  
• Does the Agency assist Au Pairs to get the appropriate Visa?
  
• Do they mandate and require certain Visa's before accepting them into the program?

It is always best to do your homework before delving into something that can affect your children and your entire family. Au Pair's are wonderful additions to families and can be the best experience in the world, BUT, if you don't do your homework it can be a nightmare. If you have any specific questions that you feel I can assist you with, please feel free to contact me and I will do my best to answer.

I plan to follow up with more information with advise about the differences between Au Pair, Nanny, Child-Care, baby-sitting and how to actually interview a potential Au-Pair, and an inside look at being a Community Counselor.

Some of my resources were drawn from http://www.iapa.org, http://www.euraupair.com and http://www.gonannies.com

I was a Host Mother for 4 years and the Au Pairs were from Spain, Germany, Canada and Turkey. I have 4 children (three of whom are triplets). I was then a Volunteer Community Counselor an additional 2 years. I will not name the organization I was working with but will attempt to educate the public in many aspects of this realm of Child-Care.

More information can easily be found by running a search under the term "Au Pair"

For questions I may be reached at info@babyfindit.com

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